april 28th 2019
I feel so guilty unfollowing people from social media who are threatening suicide. But, after my brother, I really can't deal with it. I'm sorry.
april 25th 2019
I'm getting sick of people online acting like sex is bad sex toys are bad all kinks are something to be ashamed of. This is coming from someone who's asexual and is in sex repulsed mode like 50% of the time. Grow up. No one cares about your sex negative views. You can be sex repulsed and still be sex positive for other people. Grow. Up.
I also confessed to A and they share feelings like I thought but we aren't going to date bc they said they'd be too jealous of the fact that I have a primary partner... It kinda feels nice, knowing someone likes me enough to be jealous over me. But we're just gonna chill and be friends which I'm very happy with.
april 24th 2019
I hate how advocating for myself just feels shitty and I never feel good about it.
I'm also tired of a certain someone's shit and I wonder how much longer I can go along with it all.
april 21st 2019
Still tired of existing. I don't think that's going to change anytime soon.
Doctor said that we shouldn't grieve forever. I have to wonder, is that true? Why can't I grieve forever? Is there a diservice for refusing to move on? Or by grieving forever am I accepting the cycle of life and death, and molding myself into it?
There's a lot of answers I don't have.
I wish I didn't have feelings for A. I'd be easier if it wasn't so obvious that they're returned, that A is also interested in me. I hate being polyam. I don't understand why I can't just be happy with what I have.

Getting these thoughts out felt kinda. Nice honestly.